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July 30th, 2007, 07:13 AM
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| |  Chicken Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato
For the greater good.
Mark Twain
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
William Wordsworth
To wander lonely as a cloud.
Aristotle
To actualize its potential.
Will Rogers
I never met a chicken I didn't like.
George Bush
To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Albert Einstein
That depends on the observer's inertial frame of reference.
Robert Frost
To cross the road less traveled.
Mythbusters
If you fire a frozen chicken out of a cannon,
not only will it cross a road,
it could become a lethal weapon.
Malcolm X
The chicken didn't cross the road,
the road crossed the chicken.
Ernest Hemingway
To die. .In the rain.
Pat Buchanan
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Dan Quayle
It saw a potatoe.
Dr. Seuss
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road
But why it crossed, I've not been told.
Arnold Schwarznegger
It vill be back.
Bob Dylan
How many roads must one chicken cross
Grandpa
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed road.
Someone told us the chicken crossed the road
and that was good enough for us.
H. P. Lovecraft
To escape the eldritch, cthonic,
unspeakably hideous abomination
that was on this side.
Karl Marx
It was a historical inevitability.
Werner Heisenberg
I'm not sure where the chicken was,
but it was moving very fast.
Emily Dickenson
Because it could not stop for death.
Basil Fawlty
Don't mind that chicken. .It's from Barcelona.
Charles Darwin
It was the next logical step after coming down from the trees.
William Shakespeare
To cross or not to cross, that is the question.
Zeno of Elea
To prove that it will never reach the other side.
Gilligan
The traffic started getting rough;
The chicken had to cross.
If not for the plumage of its peerless tail,
The chicken would be lost.
The chicken would be lost!
John Paul Jones
It has not yet begun to cross!
The Pope
That is for God to know.
Sir Isaac Newton
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest.
Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
Henny Youngman
Take this chicken ... please.
Mr. Scott
'Cause ma wee transporter beam dinna function.
I canna work miracles, Cap'n!
Paul Erdos
It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
The Sphinx
You tell me.
Gene Roddenberry
To boldly go where no chicken had gone before.
Homer Simpson
Mmmm ... chicken!
Salvador Dali
The fish.
Alfred E. Neuman
What? .Me worry?
Gary Larson
To warn the cows that a car was coming.
Jackie Mason
So ... it should just stand there?
Michael Palin
No one expects the banished inky chicken!
(Sorry, can we do it again?)
Colonel Saunders
I missed one?
Doug Adams
Forty-two.
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July 31st, 2007, 06:32 AM
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| | Chicken: Fictional characters
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Fictional characters
Othello
Then you must speak of one who crossed not wisely, but too well.
Don Quizote
He was chasing windmills.
Rip Van Winkle
I don't know. .I slept through it.
Yogi Bear
He was smarter than the average chicken.
Rhett Butler
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Ichabod Crane
I couldn't tell. .He was running around without his head.
The bandit in The Treasure of Sierra Madre
Cheeken? .We don' need no steekin' cheeken!
The Red Queen
Who cares? .Off with its head!
Walter Mitty
Staring out into space, he saw himself rescuing the flock from slaughter,
never hearing the approaching truck . . . kapokita-kapokita . . .
Romeo Montegue
What's in a name? .That which we call a chicken
by any other name would cross the same.
Mork
Na-nu-na-nu. .To find my eggshell.
General Jack D. Ripper
To maintain the purity of its precious bodily fluids.
Elwood Blues
They're not gonna catch it.
It's on a mission from God.
Oliver Twist
Please, sir, can it cross some more?
Beavis and Butthead
Bevis: Becuase it sucks.
Butthead: Heh-heh-heh!
Marjor Charles Emerson Winchester III
What do you two-bit quacks know about chickens?
Did you learn about them in medical school
or did you just read the comic book?
Dorothy
Toto, I have a feeling it isn't in Kansas anymore.
Lord Peter Wimsey
For Napolean Brandy,of course.
It's all a matter of taste.
Dr. Peter Venkman
This chick is toast!
Vito Corleone
We made it an offer it couldn't refuse.
The Whiter Rabbit
It was late!
Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce and Bruce
To grab a Fosters and get away from the poofters!
Sgt. Hans Schultz
I saw nothing!
Rick Blaine
If she don't cross that road, she'll regret it.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,
but soon and for the rest of her life.
Inigo Montoya
Hello, chicken. .My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father. .Prepare to die.
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July 31st, 2007, 06:50 AM
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Hahaha! They're wonderful! I don't have a favorite in particular, but I liked Buchanan's, Vito's, Romeo's, and Quayle's.  |
July 31st, 2007, 09:23 AM
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| | Chicken and the Holy Grail
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Bridgekeeper
What is its quest?
King Arthur
What do you mean? .The European or African variety?
Zoot
Because we are eight score blonds and brunettes
and we are so lonely ...
Lancelot
It was sworn to chastity, but I think it can stay a bit.
Villagers
Burn it!
Robin
Whatever the reason, it definitely was not running away.
Minstrel
The chicken ran away, the chicken ran away.
Knight of Ecky-ecky
To get us a ... shubbery!
Prince Herbert
It didn't want to cross the road,
it wanted to . . . sing!
Herbert's father
It's not to cross the road, understand?
Guards
So, even if you come and get it,
we're not to cross the road ...
Tim the Enchanter
It had such big, nasty, pointy teeth!
Black Beast of Aaaarghh
Aaarghh!!
Brother Maynard
You'd would too if you saw me holding
the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch.
French solider
Go away, you silly chicken-person!
Your mother was a wombat
and your father smells of elderberries!
Knights of Ni
Because we threatened to say "Ni!" to it.
Black Knight
None shall pass!
Last edited by Soroban; July 31st, 2007 at 05:17 PM.
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July 31st, 2007, 10:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soroban  Mythbusters
If you fire a frozen chicken out of a cannon,
not only will it cross a road,
it could become a lethal weapon. | This is my favorite one. |
August 1st, 2007, 05:36 PM
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| | Chicken Jokes: Star Trek
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The Original Series
Kirk
To boldly go where no one has gone before.
Spock
Fascinating, Captain.
Bones
I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!
Scotty
Because she couldna take much morrrre.
Uhura
Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?
Chekov
It must have been on its way to save my life for the hundredth time.
Did I scream this time?
Sulu
Don't call me Tiny!
Nurse Chapel
Oh, Spock!
Harry Mudd
Chicken? .I don't remember any chicken.
No, no, no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding!
Charlie X
Because it didn't want to stay ... stay ... stay ...
V'Ger
To join with the Creator.
Khan
With my last breath I spit at the chicken.
Sarek
Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.
The Next Generation
Picard
There are four lights!
Riker
Chicken? .What the hell's going on?
Troi
I feel the chicken's pain.
Tasha
That depends ... was it fully functional?
Geordi
Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have
more luck with women that I do.
Worf
I don't know. .Klingon chickens do not cross roads!
Dr. Crusher
If there's nothing wrong with the chicken,
there must be something wrong with the universe.
Wesley
I'm not sure, but I'm sure can figure it out if I reroute these systems,
reconfigure the warp field, realign the secondary phase inducers, and ...
Lwaxana
Oh, Jean-Luc!
Data
The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side
of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that
its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance
without interception by any kind of combustion-propelled
transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of
domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a
conveyance normally reserved for the usage of . . . yes, sir.
Q
Wouldn't you like to know? .Too bad your silly excuses
for brains won't comprehend the answer.
The Borg
Crossing the road is futile.
The chicken will be assimilated.
Deep Space Nine
Sisko
It was seeking deeper meaning.
Jake, do you see what we've learned from all this?
Jake
Check out the babe that just came off that transport!
Kira
It was probably escaping from those cursed Cardassians.
Dax
To get the other side. .Kurzon might have disagreed with me.
Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have a clue. .Then there's ...
O'Brien
No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it.
Dr. Bashir
It probably heard about my amazing medical skills
not to mention my sexual prowess
and came to get some pointers.
Odo
I don't know, but I'm sure it must be Quark's fault.
Quark
Who, me?
Gul Ducat
That's a very interesting question. .I'm sure we can work out
some kind of arrangenment to obtain that information that
will be to everyone's satisfaction.
Voyager
Janeway
If a chicken crossed the road, then it is our responsibility as
Starfleet officers to find out why, no matter how long it takes
or how far it takes us out of our way. .Who's with me?
Chakotay
Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect
its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.
Tuvok
That is not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer.
It makes junior officers nervous.
Paris
Well, I think that ... say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing!
Harry
I don't know. .It's my first mission.
Neelix
I'm not really familiar with chickens in this quadrant.
But if you can catch it, I can cook it.
Kes
It was remembering the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time.
They lost those abilities becaust they stopped using them.
HoloDoc
How should I know? .I didn't even know we had chickens on the crew.
I wasn't activated until after the chicken crossed the road!
B'Elanna
It felt suffocated by all the [deleted] regulations of [deleted] Starfleet
and just couldn't stand it any more!
Seven of Nine
It is irrelevant to our mission.
The chicken should be left behind to suffer its own fate.
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August 1st, 2007, 06:03 PM
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