Book Retorts
Did you read that book on modesty?
Read it? I wrote it!
Did you read that book on echoes?
Book on echoes? Book on echoes?
Did you read that book on suicide?
No, but I'm dying to.
Did you read that book on procrastination?
Not yet.
Did you read that book on the use of correct grammar?
No, but between you and I, hopefully I will.
Did you read that book on sexual excess causing deafness?
What?
Did you read that book on sexism in the office?
No, but I'll have my girl pick it up on her lunch hour.
Did you read that book on improving work habits?
I will after my nails dry, if it isn't five o'clock by then.
Did you read that book on phobias?
I'm afraid not.
Did you read that book on compulsive eating?
Yes, it was delicious.
Did you read that book on decision-making?
Yes ... make that no.
Did you read that book on exhibitionism?
Yes, I have it here under my raincoat.
Did you read that book on how to say no?
Yes.
Did you read that book on identity problems?
Who, me?
Did you read that book on the machne age?
No, but if you will leave the title, author
and approximate time of your call ...
Did you read that book on henpecked husbands?
My wife wouldn't let me.
Did you read that book on willpower?
I couldn't put it down.
Did you read that book on name-dropping?
No, Brad and Angeline borrowed it.
Did you read that book on tiresome writing styles?
I walk into Barnes & Noble ... I pick up this book ...
The flap copy grabs me ... I look at the first chapter ...
Did you read that book on how to make friends easily?
Yes.
Did you read that book on Watergate?
Not to the best of my recollection.
Did you read that book on palindromes?
Did I? .I did!
Did you read that book on malapropisms?
I caroused it.
Did you read that book on the popularity of "Jeopardy"?
What is, "Yes, Alex, I did"?
Did you read that book on the symptoms of ADD?
Oh, look, it's snowing!
Did you read that book on paranoia?
Why do you ask?
Did you read that book on the sex life
of pygmy ants of Krakatoa?
Which one?
Did you read that book on how to make engaging conversation?
No.
Did you read that book on Henny Youngman?
Why, is one missing?
Did you read that book on assertiveness?
Yes ... well, sort of.
And please forgive me for asking,
but do you think it helped me at all?
You don't have to answer if you won't want to.
Book Retorts 
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