Will Rogers

Soroban · #1 $Old$ January 10th, 2008, 08:48 AM

The Wit and Wisdom of Will Rogers

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Advertising is the art of convincin' people
to spend money they don't have
for something they don't need.

Bein' a hero is the shortest-living profession on earth.

Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

If Stupidity got us into this mess,
then why can't it get us out?

Lettin' the cat outta the bag
is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

Make crime pay.
Become a lawyer.

Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.

My ancestors didn't come over in the Mayflower.
They met the boat.

The worst thing that happens to you
may be the best thing for you
if you don't let it get the best of you.

We don't seem to be able to stop crime.
Why not make it legal and tax it out of business?

You can't say civilization don't advance.
In every war they kill you in a new way.

When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California,
it raised the I.Q. of both states.

You got to go out on a limb sometimes
'cause that's where the fruit is.

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

The income tax made more liars
out of Americans than golf.

Try to live your life so you wouldn't be afraid
to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government
we're paying for.

The man with the best job is the Vice President.
All he has to do is get up every morning
and ask, "How is the President?"

Things ain't what they used to be and never was.

We are all here for a spell.
Get all the good laughs you can.

Soroban · #2 $Old$ January 10th, 2008, 11:03 PM

More Will Rogers

If you're riding ahead of the herd,
take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.

If you're thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Rumor travels faster,
but don't stay put as long as truth.

The movies are the only business
where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

What this country needs is
dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

We can't all be heroes.
Somebody has to sit on the curb
and applaud when they go by.

Buy land.
They ain't makin' any more of the stuff.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie"
until you can find a rock.

Get someone else to blow your horn.
The sound will carry twice as far.

I never expected to see the day
when girls would get sunburned
in the places they now do.

I have a scheme for stopping war.
No nation is allowed to enter a war
until they've paid for the last one.

If you want to be successful, it's this simple.
Know what you are doing.
Love what you are doing.
Believe in what you are doing.

Last year we said, "Things can't go on like this."
And they didn't . . . they got worse.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Worrying is like paying on a debt
that may never come due.

The only difference between death and taxes
is that death don't get worse every time Congress meets.

Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.

After eating an entire bull, a lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came by and shot him.
Moral
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people,
we're the only nation in the world that has to keep
a government four years, no matter what it does.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got
the whole government working for you.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

There are three kinds of men:
the ones that learn by reading,
the ones that learn by observing,
and those who just have to pee on
the electiric fence for themselves.

I never met a man I didn't like.

janvdl · #3 $Old$ January 10th, 2008, 11:53 PM

There were more funny ones here Will Rogers - Wikiquote

Soroban · #4 $Old$ January 12th, 2008, 09:25 AM

Yiddish Proverbs

God is an honest player,
but a very slow one.

Love is blind.
Jealousy sees too much.

What you don't see with your eyes,
don't invent with your tongue.

A dead man is mourned seven days;
a fool, his lifetime.

A good friend you get for nothing,
an enemy you have to buy.

Love your neighbor
even if he plays the trombone.

One good deed has many claimants.

Some people are like new shoes:
the cheaper they are, the louder they squeak.

The heaviest thing in the world
is an empty pocket.

God made man
because He loves stories.

A good enemy is better than a bad friend.

A schlemiel lands on his back
and bruises his nose.

If you seek a reputation for wisdom,
agree with everyone.

Life is the cheapest bargain.
You get it for nothing.

Money is round, so it rolls away.

Rejoice not at your enemy's fall,
but don't pick him up either.

Your health comes first.
You can hang yourself later.

If I dealt in candles, the sun wouldn't set.
If I dealt in shrouds, people would stop dying.

If ther rich could hire someone to die for them,
the poor would make a wonderful living.

Treat me like a rabbi;
watch me like a thief.

Man makes plans
and God laughs.

ThePerfectHacker · #5 $Old$ January 12th, 2008, 05:27 PM

Yiddish is a funny language.