To: All EMS Personnel
From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper narrative descriptions
It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms
that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative
direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to
refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe
patients and conditions, such as the following:
Cardiac patients should not be referred to
as suffering from MUH (messed-up heart),
PBS (pretty bad shape),
PCL (pre-code looking)
or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).
Stroke patients are not "Charlie Carrots".
Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs)
to describe their mental state.
Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t),
FDGB (fall down, go boom),
TBC (total body crunch)
or "hamburger helper."
Similarly, descriptions of a car crash
do not have to include phrases like
"negative vehicle to vehicle interface"
or "terminal deceleration syndrome."
HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals,
not "glow worms."
Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use
are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
Gunshot wounds to the head are not
"trans-occipital implants."
The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen"
nor is endotracheal intubation
referred to as "PVC Challenge."
And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons
as being "paws up", CC (cancel Christmas),
ART (assuming room temperature),
CTD (circling the drain),
or DAAD (dead as a doornail).
I know you will join me respecting the cultural diversity
of our patients to include their medical orientiations
in creating narratives and log entries.
Notice to EMS Personnel 
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