You know you're in California if . . .
You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house.
A really good parking space can move you to tears.
Gas costs 75¢ per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
Your car insurance is more than your house payment.
You have to leave the company meeting early
because Billy Blanks himself is teaching
the 4:00 Tae Bo class.
You take a bus and are shocked:
there are two people conversing in English.
You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
It starts to rain, so you leave work early
to avoid the weather-related accidents.
You know where your coffee beans are grown,
and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
A man gets on the bus with blue hair and crotchless chaps
and you don't notice.
The guy in Starbucks at 8:30 am wearing a baseball cap
who looks like George Clooney is George Clooney.
It's sprinkling and every station has a report
called "Storm Watch 2008".
Your coworker has eight body piercings, none visible.
You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers
and a sperm donor.
Your child's third grade teacher has purple hair,
a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
You can't remember ... is pot illegal?
Your hairdresser is straight,
your plumber is not,
the woman who delivers mail is into BDSM,
and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
You and your dog have therapists.
You know you're in California ... 
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