Oscar Levant
Happiness isn't something you experience.
It's something you remember.
I am no more humble than my talents require.
The first thing I do in the morning is
brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital
for depressing the other patients.
I knew her before she was a virgin.
When you give up drinking,
you have to deal with that wonderful personality
that started you drinking in the first place.
So little time, so little to do.
I've given up reading books.
I find it takes my mind off myself.
I once said of a politician,
"He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it."
I envy people who drink.
At least they know what to blame everything on.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility.
There are so few of us left.
I'm going to memorize your name and throw away my head.
I don't drink . . . I don't like it.
It makes me feel good.
Underneath this homely exterior lies an enormous lack of character.
I'm a controversial figure.
My friends either dislike me or hate me.
Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood
lies the real tinsel.
Oscar Levant 
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