Ambrose Bierce
The Devil's Dictionary
Abstainer
A weak person who yields to the temptation
of denying himself a pleasure.
Accident
An inevitable occurrence due to
the action of immutable natural laws.
Acquaintance
A person whom we know well enough to borrow from,
but not well enough to lend to.
Adder
A species of snake;
so called from its habit
of adding funeral outlays
to the other expenses of living.
Admiration
Our polite recognition of another's
resemblance to ourselves.
Barometer
An ingenious instrument which indicates
what kind of weather we are having.
Bore
A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Brain
An apparatus with which we think we think.
Bride
A woman with a fine prospect
of happiness behind her.
Education
That while discloses to the wise
and disguises from the foolish
their lack of understanding.
Egotist
A person of low taste,
more interested in himself than in me.
Happiness
An agreeable sensation arising from
comtemplating the misery of another.
Before undergoing a surgical operation,
arrange your temporal affairs.
You may live.
Calamities are of two kinds:
misfortunes to ourselves
and good fortune to others.
The ocean is a body of water
occupying about two-thirds of a world
made for man -- who has no gills.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Anbrose Bierce 
Linear Mode
