And yes and yes and yes.

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Without having read all of that, two questions:

1) Why are you talking to your ex-girlfriend about your current relationship? IMO (and I'm a woman), not appropriate.

2) Why do you care what your ex-girlfriend thinks about you anyways? Enough to post about it? Are you still holding a torch for this girl?


Something for you to think about.

I have nothing to really add to your situation but most women are not very rational. They are a slave to their passions too much. They often get concerned about feelings and not about the truth.

Here are some quotations that I like:

The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is “What does a woman want?” - Sigmund Freud

Everything about woman is a riddle, and everything about woman has a single solution: that is, pregnancy. - Freidrich Nietzsche*

Woman was God's second mistake. - Freidrich Nietzsche

In revenge and in love woman is more barbaric than man is. - Freidrich Nietzsche

The sexual life of adult women is a “dark continent” for psychology. - Sigmund Freud

*)This is coming from someone who had problems finding himself a girl.

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"Democracy has proved only that the best way to gain power
over people is to assure the people that they are ruling
themselves. Once they believe that, they make wonderfully
submissive slaves." - Joseph Sobran

Her own way (or so I'm told).

CB

Maybe a little over a week ago I had a dream about her. It was actually frightening for me and I’d call it more of a nightmare because all day I seemed anxiety ridden. I think that if there was a themepark of emotions I went on almost all of the rides that day. I asked myself plenty of times why I’m letting it bother me and have tried to push on and forget it ever happened, but I haven’t been able to. It was everpresent and was like someone who was going to knock on your door until you finally opened up to answer to somebody.

First, I went to all my friends and talked about it. They told me to stay away from her because it’d just be awkward and bad for us both. That it’d bring up a lot of hurt and feelings. That’s somewhat true but what talking to her has done for me has outweighted the bad. I guess you could say that I’m in an unstable relationship and my ex-girlfriend keeps the sanity coming. I tried going a few days without talking to her after I had the dream but it just screwed up my psyche so much I had to get through it all crying and drinking. This isn’t normal behavior for me because I don’t drink normally and I don’t cry much at all. It just shook me up so bad I had to have something done about it. After I talked to her and it wasn’t really anything about the dream or about my ex-girlfirend the first day, I felt a lot better to have her included into my life again. It’s with her that I seem to only find peace this week. It could last as long as it takes to have one breath, but how long it lasts isn’t really the important part. Just that it’s there at all.

All three of us have a history together. My current girlfriend and ex-girlfriend use to be best friends. They aren’t friends anymore and my ex-girlfriend is fine with that. My girlfriend is fine with that too and it’s a mutual thing really. I came later on and well, worlds collided. The rest is something I can’t even really sit down and talk about. I don’t know, I could, but it’s just something I can’t ever jot down to explain to myself or others. It makes me feel pathetic that some things are just too hard to express. I really wish I could explain everything, but I guess it’s just one of those things where you just had to be there to understand.

It didn’t start out as me seeking help because I was having trouble with my girlfriend. I just wanted her to be in my life again because all of this time it’s been hard without someone like her. I took her into the very deepest reaches of my soul (whatever you want to call it) and she’s something I don’t really ever see getting off my mind no matter how much I could possibly try. We both wanted to know about what happened back when and try to piece what we didn’t know then. It doesn’t matter to her anymore or so she says, but everyday she says my girlfriend stole me away from her like the carpet had been ripped out from under her and everyone had a good laugh about it. She’s moved on and seems content with her life. But I don’t know if she’s just pretending or if she’s really happy. I feel so guilty because I want to be happy for her. I’m sure this new guy in her life makes her feel wonderful and I just want to accept that and move on. I don’t know what’s going on and because of it I can’t just go to bed at a normal time like I want to. I’ll lie awake tossing and turning wishing someone would calm the storms.

I don’t know how it’s possible because I’m so torn and I never know what to do anymore. For so long I’ve ignored my feelings for her and focused on my girlfriend trying to make her every day since we’ve been together happy. I’ve tried so hard, so hard to make her feel beautiful, wanted, and loved. It’s when you have that one person that’ll do anything to make you happy, that they’re so selfless they always put you first, and that’s what I’ve done. I elevated her above all my needs but it’s never enough to stop her from getting upset over the smallest things and taking her anger out on me. Making me feel like the worst person whoever walked the Earth. We almost broke up two days ago because of something petty and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Everyone says and agrees that she’s misery and I’m the company it has…I love her, but I don’t know why anymore. After everything I’ve put up with, I’m still with her and always turn things around to make things work. I’ve been working so hard to do everything and anything to keep the relationship together and everyday it’s like our relationship’s on the brink of extinction.

I don’t want to leave her and make her unhappy. Gosh, I never wanted to make anyone unhappy. I always put people before myself cause that’s just how I am and part of the reason I let Jess go was because I knew she’d be happier. It’s so painful though, deep down that I’m doing so miserably and god, I just want to be happy!

I do love my ex-girlfriend still and I can’t even begin to think how it’s a rational thing. I never let the feelings go and I just ignored them for so long until they came back tenfold. I want to forget, but I know anywhere and everywhere she’ll be on my mind. I can’t live without either of them but at the same time it’s killing me. I wish I could tell my ex-girlfriend all of what I feel, but I can’t do that either. I know what she would say. And I feel so stuck and confused because I just want things to warp back to last year so I could figure things out. Besides, telling her that after all of this time that what I’ve felt isn’t exactly history is just going to appear sad and pathetic to her like it’ll be to everyone on here.

I just wish I knew what to do.

You already know what you have to do, bro. Communication is one of man's greatest fallacies. You just spilled your heart out to a bunch of strangers, but you won't utter one word to her? If you don't tell her, she'll never know.

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This is needless to say really complicated and I feel for you because I've been in similar situations. Some things to think about. Take it for what it's worth.

It's ok to be friends with an ex. You just need to make sure your feelings are mutual as only friends and you need to show your current girlfriend this. Don't lie about talking to your ex or hide any feelings you have, it will only make things worse. I am not much older than you so I realize that having any sort of relationship with an ex isn't easy for people your/my age, but it's really time to grow up at a certain point.

People that are emotionally tied to you always give biased opinions. It's only human. Of course my advice to you right now is biased upon my worldview, but it's less biased, you know? I think you made a good decision by posting here to get some feedback from people who just listen to the facts (from your point of view)

Honesty really is the best policy in relationships of all kind. That doesn't mean you shouldn't reflect and think about timing of saying something, but if you hide a lot of stuff because you worry you will hurt someone you will just hurt them more later when the lies come out.

Good luck.

you should see what George Clooney, Jack Nicholson or any other brilliant "actor" have to say about women not some unqualified guys such as Freud and Nietzsche! haha

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This is off topic but I wanted to bring this up*. Why are we biased against bias? Why do we think that bias needs to be avoided? I disagree, I think that bias is a great trait among humans provided it is founded on rationality and not on our passions. I am biased against Big Government. Whenever someone says, "there ought to be a law ... ", or, "the government should ... ", I will initially always be against such a position. What I have is a bias, but I do not see why this bias that I have is a flaw in me. My position is based on stuff that I read and my reasoning. Therefore, the bias that I hold is a rational one. I view bias as a method of throwing out mentally all the false ideas without the needs to go through in your head. Thus, bias is like a filter against ideas that you should be more skeptical of.


*)I know I told this to someone once but I forgot who, maybe it was you, but I do not think so.

I like to make fun of groups that take themselves too seriously, such as, feminists, enviromentalists, and vegetarians. I know that feminists hate Freud so when I want to say something about women I try to quote Freud because I know it offends the feminists.

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"Democracy has proved only that the best way to gain power
over people is to assure the people that they are ruling
themselves. Once they believe that, they make wonderfully
submissive slaves." - Joseph Sobran

TPH: I agree with some of your points. In my post I meant more so that when someone has a lot of emotions towards a subject, this clouds reasoning and logic. Thus the conclusion will be more so based upon feelings and less on reasoning. Sometimes this might be a fine but when giving advice I think not.

Update on this OP?

Sorry, I've been in Colorado over the July 4th weekend.

I think it's great to ask outsiders for their viewpoint on a problem or situation. I also think it's not that bad of an idea to get opinions of people who know you best and are very close to you so they've heard and know what it's all about. I got both and it's helped in some ways. Mostly I've had to attempt to sift through this mess myself as it was my own problem to begin with. A lot of things have happened since I last posted, but I don't feel like listing every detail or thought I've got towards anything about it. Some will suffice.

Basically though, I don't plan on living a life of regret or could've/should've happened. I'm going to transfer to her university (not transferring just because of her though, just one of my many reasons) and if anything happens between us, then that's how things will go. If not, then I found out what I wanted to know and I can go on with my life. I'd rather have her as a friend than nothing anyways. I'm still in love with her, but I can't just keep thinking about it or it's going to eat me up inside. I told her what I felt and we haven't really said anything about it. I haven't talked to her since I left, but the last time I talked to her she told me she was really happy because her boyfriend was with her. I just let her be happy even if it's someone else that's going to make her happy.

Women are evil. Don't mess with them.

"A fool is one who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart"

I just saw ex-grilfriend and bitter together, so i assumed this would apply ha.

Blah.

What is she doing? I don't know. She keeps trying to string me along it seems, saying and doing things that definitely confirm reciprocation of how I feel/felt when I'm trying to move on...I feel like I'm being duped, but I don't know. Feels like it's making my feelings stronger tenfold and just that much harder to get over.

I'm not giving into her feelings but they're so hard not to.

You seem to use the word "feelings" a lot when you post and I get this. I think though that you should try to balance emotions with rational thinking. Feelings come and go and shouldn't be the basis for anything longterm imo...